Sometimes, I Wish Carnies Ruled the Earth...

It's not that outlandish to think that if carnival workers ruled the world, things would be a little bit better. I mean, it'd be an all cash economy, you eat whatever you wanted and you could pretend everything would be fine even if, during the second day of a fair, a crucial weld broke on the popular ride. Dad says it's not much different than the mine safety rules that federal government doesn't enforce.

Here it was, near 7:15pm, a bit past my bedtime, and we were still going strong. Mom took me over to a playground area, where we planned to go down a small slide.



Now, the State Fair is famous for a fairly large, tall, yellow slide where kids and adults alike take a piece of carpet or a potato sack and slide down the thing for $3.00. Mom inquired with Dad earlier in the day that, perhaps, I could ride along with one of them on this scam of a ride. Dad totally yelled at her - right in front of a cheese curd stand. He totally dressed her down and told her that he was gonna get his tattoo changed! Not long after that, he explained to the State Police that he had too much Irish beer. They released him and he reunited with us near the Miller Lite tent.

Anyway, even I am not sure that going on the big yellow slide was such a good idea. So, Mom took me on the three foot playground slide. Click on the picture to get a clearer idea of how I liked it. Needless to say, we rode it once.



Forty-two inches is pretty much the minimum - even in a Carnie-led world. I am far from forty-two inches tall. Given my genes I'm figuring that, when I turn 12-15 years old, I will be able to ride these amazingly unsafe-looking rides. Nevertheless, we wandered through the area just to bask in the screams of frightened children who found no enjoyment in these dangerous machines.



Climb on the back of this lizard-alligator-beast-thing and enjoy! You start going around in a circle, riding about three humps on the track...then, in order to really get your money's worth, the toothless man stops the ride, flicks his GPC cigarette into the center of the track and yells, "RIDE'S OVER!" Delightful.



Climb into the belly of these beasts. The Spinning Fiberglass Animal Ride is a popular one. It's a bit more expensive though. Evidently, the overhead to haul these creatures to Pawnee or Boise is quite costly. Because the belly of these fiberglass shells have only a small hole which to enter and exit, the fast spinning makes for an interesting auditory experience. From the outside, you hear screams, then they spin away briefly.



I begged and begged, but to no avail. Dad should have tried to win me a toy from the friendly workers in this area. But, he didn't. He said all of the toys are filled with little styrofoam pebbles anyway. I've never eaten those before.